Ok so the past couple of days has been horrible!!!!!! Ahhh just with boys, school, and food all getting crazy.. its a lot to deal with. I have definitely slipped on my eating habits monday and wednesday because of situations I get in makes it so hard to resist food and its not even cuz i'm hungry its just because my friends are eating whatever the hell it is and i don't want to get them wondering and also i'm not gonna lie it looks good. So i give in and HATE myself later. I am just going to have to give more excuses because the guilt I get after is worse then anything else.
Ughhh I hope i can lose the pounds I may have packed on, i don't even want to weigh myself like i said i would because that could get too depressing. I am so glad finals is going to have my sole attention though oddly enough because then all i really have to focus on is studying. I pray that I will not eat like anything at least till the end of this week.... wish me luck!!

 So I successfully made it through the weekend without doing too much damage. Of course weekends aren't going to be perfect, is that even possible?, and I did absolutely horrible on Friday because my hunger really started to catch up with me but I did pretty good saturday and today. I worked out saturday and sunday also and guess how many pounds i've lost since thursday!?! 2 whole entire pounds. I hope I can continue to see a lower number when I weigh myself after my workouts throughout the next couple of months and finally reach my goal. I mean if I continue this path I have to lose weight, I figure. I am continually motivated and my mindset has been completely changed. I know I can do this. Dead week is this upcoming week which means tons of studying for finals. But that also just means more coffee which is really low in calories (only 10 for normal coffee) and it also suppresses my appetite, thank goodness. But honestly my appetite has gone down and I'm so thankful for that. I am going to weigh myself on Wed. and let you know how it turns out. Wish me luck! 

 So the past couple of days have been really good. I ate about 225 calories on wednesday and about 490 today which is high but all I had was a slim fast (190)which I feel is necessary every couple of days so I get some vitamins and a frozen coffee drink which I soooo shouldn't have gotten but I really needed something that had coffee(i estimated about 300 because those things seem to have way too many calories) in it and it was hot today even though it's almost december... come on! The south sucks sometimes. I'm about to go run now and I'm feeling good about it. This week has been so wonderful so far and just as long as I feel skinnier and I really really do. I'm going to weigh myself so we'll see if i've gotten better!
 
So I just got back from working out and wanted to post what happened which really isn't all that much: I worked out on the elliptical (-180) and did weights for my legs and crunches (perhaps -40?). So all together thats -220 when my intake was 490 so all together = 270. I don't plan on eating anything else mostly because I don't want to and luckily I'm not even hungry. I weighed myself and I lost only 1 pound since the last time I was able to weigh myself but that was before Thanksgiving break when my family practically forced me to eat all that turkey and dessert... ugh so at least it didn't do too much damage. I'm a tiny bit discouraged but I know I will lose weight between now and the end of the week because I'm super motivated.

I'm having such a hard time looking at my self in the mirror because all I can think is... what have I done? I used to weigh so much less and now I see the extra fat I've gained and I quickly lose all hope on myself and my worth. I know there is so much more to life than looks and how much a person weighs but I can't help hating myself if I look fat. I'm hoping I will finally reducing my caloric intake seriously because I hate living with myself like this. It's almost unbearable. I will do anything to lose weight. I keep on thinking... if I reach my goal wieght.. then I will be happy. I'm not sure if that is true but I know either way I must be unhappier at this weight than at lower ones.

5"2
CW/HW: 125 ish : ( the most i've ever weighed i think
LW: 112
GW: 100
GW for December: 115

I know I can do this I just have to put my all into it.